ANXIETY / FEAR, Stay Present, U Time

THE HERE & NOW

The easing up of lock down brings with it a mix bag of emotions for all of us, some excitement and relief, others apprehension and tension.

The problem as in everything in life is that we are ruminating on the past or fearful of the future, neither of which exist. We need to bring our attention back onto the here and now. I call this Present Parenting and its something that requires some practice and effort, not because it’s unnatural and we have to learn how to be more present, but because we’ve formed the habit of Auto Pilot Parenting, which is not natural but an unconscious coping mechanism in response to today’s busy world. We just have to remember how to naturally be, which is what we will do through the following exercises.

PRESENT PRACTISING ACTIVITY

  • Think of an activity you would like to try out for this ‘Present Practising Activity’. For me, cooking is a good activity to practise being ‘Present’.
  • Pick something stimulating or a bit challenging, this will keep you interested and focused on the task at hand for longer.
  • Choose a time when you are by yourself to start with, it’s easy to get distracted when our children are around.
  • Now go and do it. If it’s exercise, get up and go for a run, even if it’s just up and down your stairs for five minutes. Try not to think of something that you’ll have to wait to do such as taking up a new hobby like knitting. Of course, this would be a great present practising activity to do but not if you haven’t got any wool or knitting needles as that’ll become your excuse to put this exercise off until they arrive tomorrow. As we know, tomorrow never comes. Whatever you choose, do it now. Not later or tomorrow, this is a Present Practising Activity—the time to do it is now.
  • As you engage in this activity, stay focused on what you are doing and feeling in each moment. You may hear that annoying little voice in your head telling you, ‘This is stupid, stop wasting time, you’re too busy, there’s lots of more important things you should be doing’. But don’t let it bully you into unconsciousness. Stay present!

When cooking, I get absorbed in what I‘m doing, I need to concentrate to prevent chopping a finger off or burning myself.

I stay engaged by choosing to cook different dishes each time to challenge myself and keep me present, if I wander off mentally, I could ruin my evening meal, so I focus on the task at hand. This way, I experience the different tastes, textures, and smells, and I’m not thinking of anything else except what I’m doing, making it also therapeutic, as any worries are forgotten. Time seems to fly by in this flow state. Then once we practise feeling in the flow in new activities we enjoy, we know we can experience this day to day in general too.

If you can’t think of a specific activity to practise being present in, and don’t like cooking, then try practising while having a bath. Feel the warm water surround you, notice the sparkling bubbles floating on the surface and the scent of the soap. Feel your skin wet and soapy, and take in the full experience of having a bath.  Luxuriate in this refreshing experience. How often do you bath without thinking about these things or without really enjoying the experience? 

That’s because when bathing, we are usually somewhere else in mind, and instead of relaxing in the present moment and enjoying the pleasurable experience, we take it for granted, and it becomes another Auto Pilot chore.

Anything we do often tends to end up this way. We become desensitised by its familiarity.

To appreciate the little things and stop our minds from wandering off on a rampage of doom and gloom, we just need to stay in the here and now, the only place we can ever really be!

Don’t forget you can get a- FREE 35-minute hypnotherapy anxiety relief down load, simply by signing up to our Happy Childcare Newsletter now (you’ll get invited to do so each time you visit our site and we’d love to have you in our club!)

And you can check out my interviews this month with Charlene Walters phd on her inspirational women series here https://ownyourother.com/blog/f/inspirational-women-series-an-interview-with-emma-grant

and with The Dorset Book Detective by clicking the link below.

Until next week,

Stay Present, Em x

Thanks for Photo’s by Alyson McPhee Jason Briscoe bruce mars niklas_hamann on Unsplash

Uncategorized

Who Actually Gets Paid More A Footballer Or A Mathematician?

What a boring world it would be if we all liked doing the same things, the same way?

Without variety and differences conversation would soon dry up.

Yet we still expect our children to endure subjects that just don’t interest them.

One day I believe or should that be, I hope, the school curriculums will include more variety and options. Offering more choice for children, especially for those who aren’t naturally academic, to enjoy their learning, doing things that inspire and motivate them.

Hidden Talents

A lot of current issues that are happening on our streets today concerning children and crime, I believe, are due to children not feeling unique and special as they are, with the abilities they’ve been given. A lot of children don’t realise their true potential or hidden talents because they haven’t been given the chance to discover them. Many children feeling overlooked or rejected by a school system that makes them feel less than what they really are.

Times have changed and the way we teach and treat our children needs to change too.

We have to be more creative in our approach. Allowing for more sporting and artistic talents to be a part of the school curriculum, giving them equal emphasis and recognition as the more traditional core subjects.

I mean who actually gets paid more, a footballer or a mathematician?

You do the math? (I was never good at that subject in school…oops… Thanks to Mr Jones, there pops up my biggest self-limiting belief again!!!)


life is about being happy and healthy, not unhappy and wealthy!

Not all children aspire to be in intellectual careers.

Most just want to enjoy what they do using their hands and creativity, such as flower arranging, making fancy cupcakes or building impressive structures, such as those that house schools. Life is about being happy and healthy, not unhappy and wealthy. Money and future aspirations aside, its about how our children are experiencing life right now at school.

All the GCSE’S in the world, won’t empower our children in the future and make them happy. In today’s world they aren’t even a guarantee of job security either.

Happiness is a state of being cultivated from a young age.

We come to expect what we get and get what we expect as we grow older.

Happy optimistic children, who follow their own dreams and enjoyment, succeed and find rare opportunities, that are otherwise hidden from those clutching at hard earned grades, who settle for a safe job for the sake of money, in fear of failure or lack.

Some children just can’t stand sitting in a classroom, memorising facts that are of no relevance to them. However, this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taught these subjects, alongside the things they do enjoy learning.

We just have to find more interesting ways, to make those subjects that they dislike, more enjoyable. We can start by fuelling their passion. Encouraging them in those areas they enjoy and are good at, and by finding each child’s preferred learning method. Some simply prefer a more hands on approach rather than theory.

After all, life is about putting learning into practice. Little use knowing what to do but not knowing how to do it, is there?

So, money and future aspirations aside, lets focus on the present and on how our children are experiencing life right now.

Stay Present,

Em x

Uncategorized

Happy Birthday Dylan

I have to thank you Dylan. You were easy from the start.

Easy conception, easy pregnancy, easy birth and easy to love.

Today on this special 13th birthday, celebrating you becoming a teenager, I also want to thank you for making me a more present parent.

First time around, as a new mum everything’s new and frightening. You just don’t really know what to expect or know what you are doing?

It’s a learning process full of doubts, tears and fears!

So caught up in dirty nappies, sleepless nights and parenting anxiety, it’s hard to enjoy those first few years as a new mum.

But by the second child most of us are feeling a bit more confident, but alas, sadly for some, complacent and busy.

You taught me how to enjoy being a mum. And how to appreciate every minute as special.

Your love makes ordinary moments most would take for granted, as precious and unique.

You made me notice them.

You made me present to the joy of being a parent and of being your Mum. A privilege I’ll always hold dear.

Such as the time when you were just three years young. I was taking you to the Dentist, when as we were holding hands and crossing the road, out of the blue you said;

 ‘I love you Mum.’

I can still remember to this day, thinking that this was such a good moment in my life.  I wanted my mind to photograph it forever, so that when we were both older, we could look back upon that ordinary moment, with fondness.

A great time, when we were both truly present together, enjoying one another’s company.

We were just going about our daily business. Yet, it was such an extraordinary, emotional moment for me. So much so that, I can still feel those positive, loving, warm, fuzzy feelings deep inside me, whenever I recall that moment now.

Even now, you still greet me on the school yard every day with a kiss, hug, pat on the back and a ‘I love you.’

I know I’ve said you don’t need to do that in public now, in case it’s embarrassing?

And you said ‘No I want to. It’s not embarrassing’.

And I melt inside with pride, that you are not afraid to openly show your love.

I don’t know what I have done to deserve such beautiful, loving children but I’m glad I’ve be blessed with you both.

As normal and mundane as a trip to the dentist with your child may sound, I can guarantee that in years to come, you too will realise how special those everyday moments in time really are. Even if those moments do not feel like it today.

One day, those simple everyday memories, will be where you will linger longingly, wishing you could go back to. 

Noticing, appreciating and being fully present in those moments we are spending with our children today, is what Present Parenting is all about. Because one day those moments, will be some of the best moments in our lives.

They truly are priceless, irreplaceable nuggets of time.

Time we all too often take for granted, because we are disillusioned by the concept that, the work and worries that occupy our minds, are the things that need our attention the most. Yet, neither now nor in the future, will anyone or anything, ever bring us the joy, fulfilment or happiness that our children do.

It’s who we are with, and the love and time we give that counts! 

If today was the only time we had left on Planet Earth, chances are we would not want to clean our house or work overtime, schmoozing our boss for a pay rise?

Chances are, we would want to spend our time with our loved ones?

Having fun and letting them know how much we love them. While appreciating, how much we too, are loved by them.

We don’t always remember the dates or details in life, but we always remember how we felt. This is what our children will always remember too.

It doesn’t matter what we have or achieve in life, it’s all a waste of time, it’s who we are with and the love and time we give, that counts! 

Childhood doesn’t last forever. When our children reach their teens, it’s going to be too late to regret, not having had the time to; paint, play, cook, read, sing, dance and enjoy our time with them, while young.

Make the most of now, and start to live in and enjoy each and every moment with your child, from now on. 

Tomorrow is promised to no one, stay present and be generous with that time.

If you knew this was your last day ever with your child, you would hang on to their every word and not waste a single second of that time. Always keep in mind, one day will be the last day you spend together.

There’s no time like the present, and no present like time!

Happy Birth- days!