ANXIETY / FEAR, EFT TAPPING

EFT-TAPPING TO RELIEVE ANXIETY & FEAR

During the last 9-10 weeks, the focus has been on how families will manage all confined to the home together, mum guilt over working from home and being there but unavailable to our children, home schooling, managing unwanted behaviour and siblings fighting and arguing. Now it seems there’s a concern more on returning to work, sending our children back to school and childcare and re adjusting to some sort of normality that we all lived before lock down.

To address these fears and anxieties I’ve put together a brief video on EFT -Emotional Freedom Technique, known as Tapping. I have to admit, even as a hypnotherapist I was initially sceptical that something so simple like tapping on parts of my body, could be an effective tool for transformation and healing body and mind, and overcoming addictions, fears and phobias. But I was wrong!

Since sharing that video on IG TV and Youtube, I’ve had a few messages asking some good questions, so I’ve written this blog to address those and explain in more detail about what EFT is and how to do it.

How to do it?

Basically, take two fingers your index and middle finger on the hand you use most, I’m right-handed so I’d use my right-hand fingers, then on the opposite hand (my left) tap the fleshy side of your hand where you’d do a karate chop. You don’t want to hurt yourself; you’re not actually fighting you but apply enough pressure so you can feel it. That vibration should shoot some energy down that point, while saying three times this sentence’ –

‘Although I have this fear (or you can say anxiety), I am willing to love, approve and accept of myself anyway.’  

Say this out loud, you may feel a little self-conscious, silly or cynical even to begin with but that’s that voice, your ego, trying to stop you, trying to maintain the norm. Don’t listen to that resistance within you telling you you’re fine as you are, you wouldn’t be reading this blog in the first place if that was true or this was stupid.

 How bad do you want to relieve your anxiety?

There’s nine tapping points we are going to tap on, you can watch the video here, https://youtu.be/zLX8YlfJ4QY to see how it’s done. We start with the sentence and tap on our karate chop.  If you don’t believe you’ll relieve your fear or anxiety you could say the following sentence;

‘Although I don’t believe I’ll relieve this fear / anxiety I am willing to love, approve and accept myself anyway’

When you say this sentence tap three times on the karate chop with 4 fingers on this point, see the video on where this is and how to do it. It can be hard for many of us to say we love accept or approve of ourselves, so if you can’t bring yourself to say that either yet say-

‘Although I don’t believe I’ll relieve this fear / anxiety, I am okay.’

 Then follow with 2 fingers tapping;

  1. Beginning of the eyebrow ‘I can’t get rid of this fear’
  2. Side of the eye- I just can’t do it
  3. Under the eye on the bone ‘this anxiety’
  4. Under the nose – ‘this fear won’t go away’
  5. Chin- ‘no way is this anxiety going to go’
  6. Collarbone where a tie knot would go- ‘’this fear / this anxiety’
  7. Under the arm in line with the nipples- ‘I’ll never be free of this anxiety’
  8. Top of your head using all your fingers in a claw shape- ‘this fear / anxiety’
Collarbone where a tie knot would go- ‘’this fear / this anxiety’

What can I use it for?

I’ve found Tapping can work for most things. A couple of weeks ago I had a fit of the hiccups, as you’ll more than likely know getting rid of these annoying little beggars is not easy. In the past I’ve tried everything from being shocked, punched, holding my breath, drinking water but nothing ever worked but this time, I decided to tap saying-

‘These hiccups’ 

That’s all I said while tapping on the 8 points, 3 times each and instantly like magic, they just stopped!

Despite having seen this tapping work for many of my clients in the past for all sorts of different issues, it even amazes me now how something so seemingly simple and quite absurd, can work so effectively well. But no matter how bizarre, I never question anything that works for anyone!

How does it work?

We are all made up of energy, in fact everything is, even that lifeless looking rock on the ground. When our energy becomes unbalanced or disrupted in some way, we have energy blockages. This was first identified by Dr Callahan in 1980 and termed TFT- Thought Field Therapy and later in the 1990s Gary Craig continued Callahan’s work and founded EFT Emotional Freedom Technique.

Emotions are not bad; we need them, they are what lets us know we are alive and helps us to understand how we are feeling. Through tapping we can reconnect to our emotions and restore balance. Usually we adopt habits such as eating or drinking alcohol which is how many of us, I know, have coped with being in lock down. These habits or addictions try to numb and supress those emotions or stress that we find uncomfortable. Tapping brings them to the surface helping to reconnect our mind and body in a healthy way. It brings us present to the problem, this is important and the reason why we will use a negative statement to address the problem, while tapping on certain parts of our body.

COMMON Q & A

Should I just be saying my anxiety or can I say something positive when tapping?’

Great question!

I said ‘This anxiety’ in my video and in this blog to keep it simple but I usually ask clients to say-

 ‘This anxiety won’t go or I’ll never get rid of this anxiety’ And variations on the issue, so for weight loss I’d ask them to say-

‘I’ll never reach my dream weight’ ‘I just can’t stop eating crisps’ or whatever cravings they have, etc….

We don’t say positive statements or affirmations as we would in hypnotherapy because we are working on the issue, of approving and accepting ourselves despite our issues. And the subconscious part of our minds can’t reject this, as we are telling the truth, so if you feel anxious and you say – ‘I’m feeling great’ the anxiety will be heightened by your mind telling you that’s not true and so you feel like the tapping doesn’t work. The tapping unblocks the energy that has been caused by the issue, so tapping to unblock the positive doesn’t make sense, that’s why we tap on a negative statement.

Measure your anxiety levels before & after tapping.

I recommend you write down on a scale of 1-10 your level of anxiety before you do the tapping exercise – 10 unbearable -1 feeling no anxiety.

Then do a round of tapping and then rate you level each time. You do initially invoke your anxiety because that’s what you are bringing to the surface. In our everyday lives we try to ignore it, so it manifests in different ways, in EFT we are acknowledging we have it and trying to work through it. 😊

The Enemy Within.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, this is the block we are working on and the block that’s causing your fear or anxiety.

We spend so much of our time and energy disapproving of ourselves and speaking unlovingly towards ourselves, never accepting who we are fully. But if we want to change, we have to do the opposite of what we’ve been doing if that hasn’t been working for us, and if that means trying something new, then so be it!

When we tackle our self-doubt head on with juxtapositions that mix the negative statement with the positive, our sub conscious is not on the alert. We get to sneak in the back door. This way we aren’t lying to ourselves or putting pressure on ourselves.

I’d love to hear how you get on with EFT, so please do get in touch or if you are interested in booking a 1 on 1 Mumatherapy Coaching or Hypnotherapy session with me after lock down, you can email me emma@happychildcare.club or tweet me on Twitter anytime.

Also you can check out my interview this week with Charlene Walters PhD on her ‘Inspirational Women Series’ here https://ownyourother.com/blog/f/inspirational-women-series-an-interview-with-emma-grant

Still feeling anxious?

Then you can get a- FREE 35-minute hypnotherapy anxiety relief down load, simply by signing up to our Happy Childcare Newsletter now (you’ll get invited to do so each time you visit our site and we’d love to have you in our club!)

Until next week,

Stay Present, Em x

Thanks Photo by Jon Tyson  Roberto Nickson  Mladen Borisov  Giulia Bertelli  Amanda Jones  Tim Mossholder  Almos Bechtold  Content Pixie on Unsplash

Behaviour, Powerful Parents, Proactive Parenting, Stay Present

SIBLING RIVALRY AND THE ART OF INTERVENTION

So, you survived another half term holiday, but secretly are jumping for joy that your little people are back to school or childcare right?

Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

You’re not alone.

Spending Us time with our children is precious but often it can feel more of a challenge for most of us.

If your child’s behaviour can be difficult, spending Us Time together may not be something you relish doing.

You may or may not be surprised to know that many parents have admitted openly to me that, they actively look for distractions away from their children. And lots of parents feel a sense of relief when they drop their children to childcare or school and go to work.

This is not because they don’t love their children, quite the opposite, they really do love their children, they just don’t understand their behaviour or how to manage it, making time together more like hard work than fun, and they don’t want to upset their children or themselves any more than necessary.

At least at work we get a lunch break!

 If that sounds familiar, then you may be interested in reading my book The Powerful Proactive Parent’s Guide to Present Parenting because when we can understand our children’s behaviour better and they can understand us, Us Time becomes a more pleasurable experience.

Children need and want our attention, and they don’t mind how they get it.

That means if they don’t feel they’re getting enough of it naturally, they will force us to pay attention to them, usually by misbehaving.

When we have more than one child this spreading of our time and attention can be difficult, we’ll look at this in a minute when we address individual Us Time for each child, but first let’s uncover the art of intervention.

THE ART OF INTERVENTION

Knowing when to intervene in our children’s behaviour and when not to is a fine art to master. It takes a lot of thought, patience, and practice. We have to stop ourselves from flying off the handle at every incident and decide if it’s really such a big issue.

Does our children’s behaviour warrant a reaction from us that is likely to upset not only our children, but ourselves too? 

If it’s not that important, then we have to learn how to let it go. Nine times out of ten, none of its really that serious anyway.  This is not an excuse to get out of correcting our children’s unacceptable behaviour though—they have to abide by the rules in order to keep themselves safe and healthy.

IF IT’S NOT YOUR BATTLE THEN DON’T

FIGHT 

It’s knowing the difference between those times when we need to correct them and knowing when they have to learn how to correct themselves. For example, when they are squabbling with friends or siblings, it’s not always necessary or helpful for us to jump right in and intervene.

It’s important to step back and let them get on with it at times and let them argue amongst themselves and learn how to resolve their own issues. This is the only way they’ll learn how to get on with other people and how to resolve conflicts in a safe, nurturing environment. 

When our children hurt the ones they love, it teaches them when they have overstepped the mark. It offers them the opportunity to apologise and make up, or forgive the other person too if they feel they were justified. Silly little squabbles can be resolved between children without adult interference, so if it’s not our battle, then we don’t need to fight.

We have to find ways to proactively involve our children in the process of managing their emotions.  By making our children part of the solution today, we equip them to understand and manage themselves in the future. This potentially removes unwanted behaviour in the future.

Our children can be part of the problem or solution. We are not going to eradicate tantrums and unwanted behaviour, but how we approach it and involve our children in resolving it, is what makes all the difference.

TOMMY VS JOHNNY

Let’s say toddler Tommy has hit baby Johnny on purpose because baby Johnny was holding Tommy’s favourite Teddy and wouldn’t let it go. Auto pilot Mummy may smack or shout at Tommy and say ‘You’re the big Brother, you should know better.’ But obviously, Tommy didn’t!

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Now, Auto pilot Mummy has reinforced hitting or shouting to resolve conflict.

But Tommy still hasn’t been taught how to share. That was the lesson there that auto pilot Mummy completely missed. She could’ve taught and coached Tommy by explaining that Johnny was a baby, who, like Tommy, doesn’t understand the concept of sharing and that certain toys belong to certain people.

All Tommy knew and was interested in was it was his favourite Teddy not his little brothers, and he wanted it back!

Johnny didn’t want to give it back though, so Tommy would do anything in his power to reclaim his beloved possession. And he did, he hit out. Proactive Mummy would have first made a fuss of baby Johnny who was hurt, not a fuss of toddler Tommy.

PROACTIVE PARENTING

Cue proactive Mummy’s chance to explain and teach Tommy, once baby Johnny had calmed down and was okay.

It’s frightening for a toddler to see how he can actually hurt someone he really loves, and at first glance, to auto pilot Mummy, Tommy’s reaction looks deliberate, as if he wanted to hurt his baby brother. But despite what morally he thought was right, it was his teddy after all, it wasn’t intentional, he hasn’t developed morals, this is something he’ll learn from his parents and being in these uncomfortable situations. The truth of the matter is, he simply couldn’t control his emotions.

Instead of ostracizing Tommy and sending him to the naughty step or giving him a label such as naughty or bad boy, proactive Mummy needs to involve him and show him that she loves him, but his behaviour was not appropriate.

It’s proactive Mummy’s moral duty to make it clear that Tommy must never put his  hands on anyone and to empathize that she  understands he was hurt that Johnny had his favourite teddy, and she knows why he reacted the way he did, but hurting someone else because he feels hurt doesn’t resolve things, it makes it worse. Giving him examples helps him to make connections with how his actions make others feel, for example, explaining to Tommy that what he had done was not acceptable and that baby Johnny now feels hurt like that time when_______, then filling in a blank with a time when Tommy was hurt and upset.

This invokes empathy. He may cry as he realises what he has done was wrong. He’s learnt a powerful emotional lesson here. This is proactive Mummy’s cue to offer a little reassurance, such as a kiss or a hug.

ALL EMOTIONS ARE OKAY

This way, she demonstrates that’s it’s okay to get angry and have these emotions, they are not bad, they are trying to teach us something, and that she accepts that he was angry and that happens sometimes, but there are other ways to release that anger. So next time he feels that way, he can come and talk about his feelings. This helps open up a channel of future communication.

Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

On the other hand, he may still not see that what he has done was wrong, so, as proactive parents, we have to be on the lookout for any repeat behaviour again so we can reinforce that lesson until he gets it. 

We also need to encourage him to make it up with his baby brother, maybe kiss baby Johnny better to show his affection and forgiveness, which is important. Having a family group hug makes Tommy feel forgiven and included again and Johnny feel better too, and as a parent, peace and love feels restored.

Coaching behaviour shows unconditional love, a naughty step shows our love comes with conditions.

Anything other than unconditional love will feel like hard work because it usually relies on our children meeting our expectations, which is always going to be difficult.

MAKE DAILY INDIVIDUAL US TIME FOR EACH CHILD

It’s great to spend family ‘Us Time’ together, but trying to please more than one child at the same time can be difficult. Each will have different interests from the other, and will likely try to compete for individual attention, but being blessed with more than one child can make finding time for each one challenging.

Although generously giving of our time can become a stretch, each child will benefit from the attention of one on one time, making them feel special and important.

Photo by Picsea on Unsplash

That’s why it’s important to factor in ‘US Time’ for each individual child by asking each one to write a list of the things they would like to do during US Time.

One child may be a football fanatic but if your other child isn’t, then taking them to football matches isn’t going to be the time they will enjoy. Of course, there will be times when they will have to tag along, but this isn’t what we class as ‘Us Time’.

Family Us Time is still important, and finding things we all like to do is a lot easier when we have a list to look at and see where everyone’s preferences lie so we can plan to do those things together, alongside individual Us Time.

If you would like an issue covered in next month’s blog posts, please email me the issue to emma@happychildcare.club

Until next time, Stay Proactive, Stay Present & Stay Powerful

Em x

Thanks for featured image Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash